A Nursery Rhyme for Children in a Nuclear War

A Nursery Rhyme for Children in a Nuclear War

One. Two. Three. They came for me.

Four. Five. Six. The land can’t be fixed.

Seven. Eight. Nine. They said the children would be fine.

Ten. I’m too old. Bombs were here. Parents are dead. There is no a chance for a new world; don’t listen to what they say.

Dystopian Radio Play Opening

WOMAN 1:

I have become used to the constant cameras and the flashing of bulbs in my face. Everyone has. My life is a constant red carpet event.

MAN 1:

There’s a photo of me on the front page of the local paper with some girl I had never met before I got drunk. My wife will kill me.

WOMAN 2:

Tabloids know my name and how cancer killed my father.

MAN 2:

Everyone knows everything about everyone around them.

WOMAN 1:

It doesn’t ever stop. The bright lights and the sound of cameras clicking in my ears has become a forgettable noise. I focus on the bird song if I can hear it above the noise. I think it comes with the job. I am an actress.

MAN 1:

I am a banker.

WOMAN 2:

I work in the florist, delivering flowers for all occasions.

MAN 2:

Nobody knows who I am, and nobody knows where I came from. (PAUSE)

WOMAN 2:

He first came into the florist to buy ten baskets of flower petals. The order was so specific. I served him and that was the last time he spoke to anyone. That’s what they said on the news. I don’t feel blessed to have been that person. I feel worse. Like I could have prevented the ‘happy accident’ from taking place.

MAN 1:

The cashier approached me after the guy left. He had no records on the system, and he had no name but he let him walk out of the branch with his entire life’s savings.

MAN 1 SIGHS.

CASHIER:

Took everything, he did. But I found nothing about who he was. No story about him in the database. Everything seemed off but I let him do it. He seemed cool and calm. Not like he was trying to rob a bank.

MAN 1:

I picked up the phone at this point. The authorities had a right to know. It doesn’t make me a good Samaritan though.

WOMAN 1:

I met this person by their death touching my soul in a newspaper.

NATURAL MUSIC PLAYS. SOUND OF BIRD SONG FAINTLY IN THE BACKGROUND.

They lay flower petals at the scene of their death. A rope tied around their neck, tightly, a few times. There’s nothing we could do. The scene was almost romantic with the scenery and the sound of the running water but god, it was traumatic. A couple hiking found the guy hanging from his neck in the tree. It is all a bit of a cliché but I think that was the point.

WOMAN 2:

The only way we knew who this person was is through their death. The nobody became a somebody we still didn’t know anything about. If that makes any sense.

Creative Writing and Commentary on Theme Park

Planning:

Story:	Tour guide:
Child is alone in a theme park - Shut in after closing Sun is setting image – metaphor for child’s youth disappearing Darkness is fear of growth and adulthood Rides come to life myth is brought to life – horror film conventions but less scary; more mysterious and magical	Old style theme park brought ‘back to life’ Renovated carousel with old horses Ferris wheel has lights in the dark – seen from the distance from miles away Ship that sways side to side – 10 feet off the ground Hotel with spa – somewhere for adults to relax

A.)    Write the opening of a children’s story based in an attraction that has tour guides e.g. a museum.

I think mum and dad left me here on purpose.

Somehow, through the flurries of people, I let go of mum’s hand and I got lost in the thicket of unknown bodies. I think dad would be happy. He hates me. He thinks I don’t act my age because I still want to be a child. I am still a child! But he doesn’t think so.

One day I will stop picking up Lego bricks and start picking up briefcases as I go to work. Who wants to do that? I would rather build towers of epic proportions every day, all day, until they fall down and I have to start again. I want to pretend to be an airplane and swoop down to pick up passengers for the rest of my life. I want to dress up as a pirate and pretend to sink my sister’s bed because she always stays on the family computer past her computer time, and into my computer time.

But now the gates of the theme park are closed, and I’m here. Alone. In this theme park, by myself, without an adult or someone to guide me through this maze of clustered-together rides and hot dogs stands.

The gaudy primary colours of the carousel look muted now that the sun is setting on the park. Settling on my skin like the ripping of a plaster from a bloodied knee, the darkness feels ominous. I can imagine the monsters coming out from the rides and trying to eat me. I don’t want to grow up.

There’s a story that after dark this park comes to life and the rides let you go on them for as long as you want. But you might have to keep riding them until the sun comes up again. I think I want to ride the carousel if that happened. Nobody can stop me.

B.)    Write the opening of a tour guide’s script for an attraction.

Hello, my name is Sofia and I am your tour guide for today. Along the way, I’m sure you will have a lot of questions about the park. I will leave a pause after each part for you to ask any questions. Just raise your hand and I will do my best to tell you anything you need to know. Let’s begin.

(Guides audience into the entrance of the park)

Here stands the memorial of Dr Edgar von Cloud who first renovated the park in 1967 after discovering the park was a secret part of his inheritance, and was a good investment. He was right. Since the renovation, the park has attracted over 60,000 people each year. Edgar’s most popular investment is the carousel with the infamous black horse that leads the rest, which we will see later.

(Pauses for questions)

If you haven’t booked a reservation with the park hotel yet, it is not too late. The hotel is the newest attraction on the site as it was built in 2005 after Edgar’s death but it is sentimental of the vintage style that often attracts visitors to the park.

(Pauses for questions & walks to the ship)

Follow me.

This ship ride is the highest in Britain. It swings 10 feet above the ground when in motion, and the ship can accommodate up to 100 passengers in one flight. Standing next to it is the iconic ferris wheel, named after Edgar von Cloud’s estranged wife Betty Ferris, which can be seen from 10 miles away when it is dark as the lights emit a very powerful beacon in the surrounding country side.

C.)    Write a commentary that compares and contrasts your choices of styles, form, and content.

The children’s story uses metaphors to describe the park as the character sees it rather than trying to sell it as the tour guide script does. An example of this is the use of the adjective ‘gaudy’ in the children’s story. This adjective has connotations of tackiness, and it is clear that the lexical field does not completely match up to the estimated age of the narrator, as it is not a word that is often used in a child’s sociolect. The effect of this is that it adds a more adult theme to the story whereas the script evidently matches an adult sociolect. To highlight the contrast, the tour guide script uses the adjectival phrase ‘vintage style’ in order to sell the attraction. 

Mock Rewrite

In the extract from Act 1, the Headmaster’s relationship with Mrs Lintott is presented in a way that suggests the Headmaster is in a position of power. The phrase “Mrs Lintott, Dorothy” is a sentence fragment, which is used to address Mrs Lintott. The comma in the sentence is used to divide up the sentence, suggesting there is a small pause. The pause emphasises “Dorothy” which comes after the more formal use of “Mrs Lintott”. The movement from a formal vocative to the informal usage of Mrs Lintott’s first name suggests that the Headmaster is lowering her status and exerting a position of power over her, showing that in the extract there is an asymmetrical power dynamic in their relationship. Furthermore, Mrs Lintott uses an irregular interrogative “Headmaster?” to address the headmaster. The interrogative is cloaked as an interrogative where in fact it is part of an adjacency pair, which implies that what Mrs Lintott is saying should be looked further into. The noun “Headmaster” also acts as a vocative that denotes a position of power. This usage suggests that there is no friendly intimacy in their relationship and he is only her employer. There is also evidence from the usage of low frequency lexis such as the adverb “indubitably” which suggests there is nothing casual about their relationship. The length of much of what Mrs Lintott says in the extract is short and does not go into detail about her own personal experience. Instead, she uses monosyllabic utterances such as “More?” which does not follow the regular structure of an interrogative which is a type of questioning technique. It can be suggested that Bennett keeps the sentence length short on purpose to present Mrs Lintott as using prompting techniques to encourage the Headmaster to say more whilst not making much of a conscious effort to engage. As well as that, it can be suggested that the power in the relationship is centred on the Headmaster because he is allowed to do more of the talking. The interrogative comes after the Headmaster has said “something more” needs to be done about the boys’ education, which can be seen by some audiences as an insult to her teaching style. This implies that their relationship is not based on mutual understanding and growth, rather that it is one where the Headmaster commands her to do things for his own benefit. However, some audiences may see it as the Headmaster attempting to deliver a message in a ‘sweetened’ way as he starts the extract by saying “thanks to you, Dorothy” the boys have “very good [A levels]”. This suggests that their relationship is not one where the two feel comfortable enough to confide confidently in each other.

On the other hand, Mrs Lintott’s relationship with Hector is presented by Alan Bennett to be more intimate. Whilst Bennett gives Mrs Lintott is made to use short sentences with the Headmaster, she uses more developed compound sentences with Hector. For example, she uses the declarative “other things, too, of course, but it’s the pizza that stands out”. The usage of high frequency lexis such as “pizza” signifies that she has a more personal relationship with Hector, especially since he is also a teacher at her level and they do not have power over each other. There is no asymmetrical power dynamic presented in this relationship. The divulging of personal experiences is something she does with Hector and not with the Headmaster. Bennett has Mrs Lintott uses a more complex form of interrogative, “didn’t you try for Cambridge?”, than she does with the Headmaster. The usage of the pronoun “you” suggests a personal intrusion on Hector’s life, which has an appropriate tone in this context as it infers a platonically intimate relationship with Hector. The subject of “Cambridge” is also used in this quote, which suggests she is looking for a more specific answer rather than allowing Hector to ramble, or take control of the conversation, as some audience may think she does with the Headmaster, saying “but that’s not enough apparently” about the implication that the boys need even further teaching in order to be good “enough” for the Headmaster. The use of the conjunction “but” creates the impression that she does not have a positive relationship with the Headmaster despite not actively giving much of an opinion in their interaction as is apparent in later parts of the text. In her conversation with the Headmaster, she simply continues to use interrogatives in response to anything he says.

Opening to Fantasy Novel, Blog Post, and Commentary

Opening to a fantasy novel

Your eyes may deceive you when you first travel to a city north of reality. Your vision becomes red and you cannot help thinking that you’ve been driven to insanity, or your eye sight is no longer functioning properly. Eyes bleed when they see the tall redwoods that circle the city of non-reality. The roads wind in and out, shaping an eye that holds the centre of town. The sky, filled with candyfloss, is hard not to look up at. The weight of it stands upon the shoulders of travellers that enter the city, causing symptoms of nausea and sudden death.

Rosy could not remember the exact time or day when she first saw red in her vision but she knew she was getting closer to the city that many, but not enough to make it glamourous, have died trying to get to. Her feet drove her further in as she witnessed the silence of the sleepy city. As she passed a sign, she began noticing the houses growing and changing from shacks into skyscrapers and office buildings. However, not a soul stood in the streets to watch her navigate her way in despite the city housing over sixty billion residents.

A sudden chime, that had journeyed through the air to reach her, interrupted her thoughts. Her bones rattled, almost splitting into shards in her body, as the chime progressed into a thrumming noise. In the distance was a clock tower that had taken her eyes mere seconds to find. The clock tower made eye contact, grimaced at her, and told her exactly why she had no place in the city of blood.

Blog post about place

Hello all! I am back to complain about something. Again. As I know you are all familiar with.

A fantasy crafted in my mind, Paris was envisioned in my mind as the ‘City of Love’. Love of people, or love of croissants as it was for me. However, the reality was a little different.

If someone asked me what I remember seeing in Paris, the first thing that would come to mind would be two men peeing on a tree and waving at us as we drove past them in the coach.

The outskirts of Paris are urban: gratified and slightly bleak. Some may see an area that is influenced by a different culture altogether but all I saw was the image of a Parisian Hooverville: homeless folk sleeping rough in bag and blankets, huddled round a pretty campfire.

I am aware there are homeless people in every corner of the world, and I am also aware of the naivety I display, and that any further comment I make gives you the impression that I am a sheltered person who expects the world to cater to them but the point is that I did not experience the city of love. I did not experience love in this city.

The moment Paris lived up to its expectation, I felt more sheltered than ever. Whilst I was queueing up to see the prized Mona Lisa, something I had wanted to see since birth, I was not experiencing the reality of a multi-faceted city. I was allowing myself to be, once again, absorbed into the unrealistic romanticising of a city that could and should not be merely reduced to three words. Because of this, Paris is a city I felt I loved but I could not be in love with. 

Commentary on blog post and fantasy novel opening

The opening of my fantasy novel starts gruesomely with the use of the abstract noun ‘insanity’ which connotes emotional unrest, giving the impression of a place that will make people feel bleak. The blog post also creates the imagery of deprivation, using the adjective ‘bleak’ and using the metaphor of ‘Hooverville’, which is a historical and cultural reference to an area of poverty. The fantasy novel does not use cultural references as such but it does make references to cliché lines that are known by many people. Both the blog post and the fantasy opening use the pronoun ‘you’, which suggests a personal relationship with the reader. However, the blog post is directly addressing the readers with the pronoun whereas the opening is ambiguous as to who it is addressing.

As well as that, I use descriptions of physical unrest with the use of the verbs ‘rattled’ and ‘splitting’ which connote a breaking apart of the protagonist’s ‘bones’. The adjective ‘shards’ also connotes this, giving the image that the protagonist’s bones are glass. This creates tension and fear as the audience may feel worried as to what is happening to the main character, who is the person the audience is meant to identify with. ‘Bones’ and ‘eyesight’ also focuses on the anatomical attributes of the character, which is important to note as it is a motif that is repeated throughout. I also use the medical lexical field in the description of ‘symptoms of nausea and death’. The usage of the dysphemism, and juxtaposition of an extreme and a less extreme term, creates suspense in a soft way as the tone of the phrase is casual. It can be said that it is a form of Gallows’ Humour, which further softens the harsh themes and allows the audience to take in the meaning without being exposed to graphic imagery. The medical lexis continues further with the use of the phrase ‘no longer functioning’. ‘Functioning’ is a verb that suggests something is working in synergy but the determiner ‘not’ and the adverb of time ‘longer’ tells the reader that there is dysfunctionality, the synonym of functionality, instead of perfect harmony. This creates tension by playing with the audience’s emotions, as it creates the imagery of disarray and the human body not functioning properly.

The use of juxtaposition to soften more aggressive adjectives continues.  I used personification, ‘holds the centre of town’, to describe the way the roads curve around the town centre. It creates the image of hands curving up to hold the city, as if the city is being nurtured. This gentle imagery delays the suspense of the gruesome content that is described later, creating a balance between dramatic imagery and less dramatic imagery which creates an anti-climax that grips an audience into reading more into the novel. The pleasant lexical field continues with the use of the metaphor of the sky being ‘filled with candyfloss’. The metaphor being used here connotes the clouds as being soft and airy, which creates a relaxing atmosphere. It is juxtaposed with the mathematical, or medical, noun ‘weight’ which connotes a burden on those who the sky ‘stands upon the shoulders of’. This suggests an emotional burden as it plays with the cliché of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, which is familiar to audiences so it allows them to understand the synaesthesia of feeling your emotions in a physical way. In comparison, the blog post uses emotional language more than physical language. For example, the motif of the abstract noun ‘love’ is used throughout to create a full circle narrative.

How does Eggers present the relationship between Dave and Toph?

In the novel ‘A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius’ young Dave Eggers is mourning the death of his parents, which has left him to take care of his young brother even though he is still growing up himself. The author presents their relationship in many different ways, which are open for interpretation.

In the novel, it is clear that Dave’s mother was huge figure in his life. He speaks positively of her and implements his subconscious need to want a mother in his actions. For example, he is desperate to find a family for Toph and him. Going so far as to try to find “an attractive single mother” so that Toph can have a friend, implying he is aware that Toph himself may be feeling lonely after the death of their parents, which shows a caring side to Dave. To some readers this suggests that Dave has an Oedipus complex in which he tries to find a woman who has the traits of his mother so both he and Toph can be looked after. Other readers may interpret that Dave is simply looking for someone to have a relationship with as the adjective “attractive” suggests that he is ‘on the prowl’, simply looking for a physical relationship with someone because he is young and is emotionally vulnerable after the death of his parents. Eggers presents his younger self as being singularly minded in some way as he uses the verbs “looking” and “to score”, implying a sexual connotation as it is a slang phrase implying the searching of a physical relationship. The lexical field of “scor[ing]” is one that connotes gameplay, suggesting that Dave’s ‘goal’ is to illicit sex from someone at Toph’s “open house” rather than to find out how his brother is doing. This strategic language may be interpreted by some younger audiences as normal whereas more politically correct individuals may be horrified by Dave’s younger self’s selfishness, which implies that Eggers is presenting Dave in this way so that the readers can question the relationship between Dave and his brother. In this way, the relationship is presented in complex ways as Dave can be seen as simply wanting a secure parental unit for his brother but in other ways he is thinking less of his brother and more for himself, only looking to have sexual gratification but justifying it with Toph having “playdates”.

As both Toph and Dave have lost both their parents in a short space of time, it is likely to have affected both of them in traumatic ways and it has to be questioned how much their relationship dynamic is different because of this. Dave is plunged into parenthood despite not being his legal guardian whereas Toph is suddenly in a situation where his relationship with his brother is drastically different in a short amount of time. It is evident that Dave still needs to grow up himself as he behaves immaturely. As previously suggested, he is young so he may be more interested in pursuits such as physical relationships rather than looking after his brother. The relationship dynamic is clearly still not asymmetrical as the boys play humorous games with each other, signifying the playful brotherly relationship they have with each other. Eggers presents this with the use of the slang phrase ‘but daaaad’, which has an interesting orthography as the ‘a’ sound is elongated as it would be in speech.  This is non-conventional in a novel and helps to form a sound in a reader’s head. It is a playful element as it is informal and shows how their relationship is not one of a typical loco parentis even though it should be. Eggers has used these techniques to create humour and give the audience a sense of what their relationship is like, whilst still highlighting for some readers that their relationship is essentially still dysfunctional.

Dave and Toph’s relationship is also portrayed as being anxiety fuelled on Dave’s side. Eggers uses asyndetic listing, “and then take Toph away, will bring him somewhere where the house is kept clean”, to describe his worries and fears of Toph being taken away due to his lack of good parenting. As he has had no prior experience, he worries that someone will “arrest him” and “call [him] bad names” for keeping the house in a state of disarray despite not doing anything to actively sort this out. The use of the asyndetic listing increases the pace, suggesting a state of worry. Some audiences may not feel any sympathy for Dave as they may criticise him for his lack of care for Toph whereas others may feel sympathy because he is young and does not know what he is doing. This presents the relationship between Dave and Toph as being dysfunctional and suggests that Dave is not a very good parent figure.

Another way that the relationship of the two brothers is affected by their parents is the presence of their father, Dave mentions that his father is an alcoholic. As children are often subconsciously unaware of how their parents influence them, and how it affects their future parenting, Eggers is looking back at Dave and describing how this has affected his relationship with his brother. Eggers uses gallows humour, “because threatening children with seventeen-inch knives is funny”, to show that Dave has definitely been affected by his relationship with father as he tells Toph that “dad used to do that all the time.” The usage of gallows humour

(Bad relationship with own father, who was abusive and alcoholic. Takes example from own parents, making him unaware of boundaries. Subconscious. Toph and the knife. ‘’because threatening children with seventeen-inch knives is funny’ Gallows humour.)

This what I managed to do in the allocated time.

Dave's Insecurities PEE Paragraphs

Throughout chapter 5, Eggers uses stylised techniques such as an anecdote to imply that the character of Dave is incredibly insecure even though it is never explicitly stated.

Eggers uses the plural noun ‘possibilities’ to discuss his worries of leaving his brother alone with the baby sister. This noun is from the mathematical lexical field so it implies a quick calculation or thought process. At first, it may come across as a cold way of thinking but it also suggests that there is an endless thought process going on, emphasizing Dave’s long list of worries. Another cold, calculating lexical field is also used to highlight Dave’s worries. The verb ‘snap’ and the plural noun ‘flashcards’ are from a lexical field that suggests games or a strategy. As Dave has an emotional attachment to his brother, it is odd to note that his worries are presented using unemotional lexis. On the other hand, ‘snap’ also correlates with the idea of his thoughts quickly churning around in his head as ‘snap’ is monosyllabic, connoting quick, sudden movements. He also uses Gallows humour, using the simile ‘like pedophilia flashcards’, in order to make light of his anxieties. This suggests that he is trying to lighten the mood for himself and the reader, portraying an underlying insecurity of his that is hidden deep within the seemingly unemotional language.

Dave’s insecurities are presented with the use of the sentence fragment ‘free!’. The exclamatory nature of the sentence is presented with the use of the exclamation mark, which suggests there is a strong feeling of relief or excitement for Dave to be going out, suggesting that he lacks a sense of independent identity when he is with his brother. The sentence fragmentation also suggests that Dave is speechless as he does not say anything incredibly profound or complex yet the one word depicts a lot of emotion. The sentence fragmentation also isolates the verb ‘free’, emphasizing the emotion Dave feels. As he feels burdened with the amount of responsibility he has during the novel, it is implied that in that moment Dave has let go of some of it. Eggers suggests that Dave is an insecure person as he immediately transitions to a state of worry and anxiety over his brother.

Eggers uses colours throughout the extract to convey dark themes and ideas such as ‘blue’ for the image of Toph’s dead body. He uses colours especially well in the phrase ‘constant red/black worry’. The colour red connotes violence and the noun ‘blood’, which is repeated throughout the paragraph to emphasize Dave’s worries about the death of his brother. ‘Black’ also connotes death and darkness, creating a dark atmosphere and creating powerful visual imagery as the colours objectify worry, making it into an abstract noun. The physicality of these emotions make them more powerful and solid, implying that Dave’s worries are more real. As death is an important theme in the memoir, and is repeated continuously throughout the story in many forms, it is important to note that it is used to highlight Dave’s insecurities about it. He is clearly worried that Toph is going to die as his parents have. The adjective of time ‘constant’ suggests a continued and rapid movement of thought. It creates the image that thoughts are constantly appearing in his head intrusively, suggesting a state of emotional distress. These grim ‘flights of fancy’ highlight how emotionally vulnerable Dave is at the present moment, creating insecurities in him.